10 Things I wish to tell my husband

10 Things I wish to tell my husband:

Marriage like any other sacred institution requires constant effort from both persons involved. Since in this case each one is from a different planet (Mars vs Venus) it is better to communicate as much as possible in order to avoid presumptions and misunderstanding. This is my attempt at making myself understood.

1. Listen to me-when I am telling you a story or ranting about something that's troubling me almost always I know what the solution is already. I just need to vent and talk about it. So just listen patiently without rolling your eyes or reminding me that I'll have to deal with my problems maturely.
2. Our parents-contrary to your idea that I dislike your parents, I actually do like them. I also respect the fact that they are as important to you as mine are to me. Yes I do make efforts to do things for them and will continue to do so. At the same time I'd like it if you could get involved a little more in my parents lives. After all they too have acquired a son recently and would like to be a part of his life.
3. Respect my idiosyncrasies-understand that while I am willing to change a whole lot of things for the sake of our happiness just as you have too, there will always be somethings I am particular about. (For eg.: maintaining a clean kitchen or not letting dishes pile up in the sink) It would be really nice is you respected those traits of mine.
4. Appreciate me-telling me that my hair looks good or that you like the way my eyes look or that you enjoyed a meal I cooked is something I crave to hear. While I don't expect you to do this every day, it would feel nice to be appreciated every once in a while.
5. BFF-you are my best friend! While I will always be close to some of my girlfriends you need to know that you're the one I will always turn to first. I love how you make me laugh and how I can be my true self with you always.
6. Admiration-watching you get dressed to work is one of the best parts of my day (of course the other one is cuddling in bed with you!)
7. Sex-I realised that I can never seem to have enough of it. I love having sex with you and would love to experiment and spice it up often. You're super hot!
8. Push me but be kind simultaneously-one of my biggest fears is disappointing you. You're my best critic and I love that but please be nice about it. You don't have to sugar coat stuff but hug me and tell me that you want me to achieve more. I will move mountains for you.
9. Communicate-I understand that there will be things you don't like or times when you get angry. All I ask is not to shut me out. Your indifference hurts the most. Take as much time and space as you need but let me know what troubled you so that I can steer clear of it the next time.
10. I love you

Steps in a Tambram girl's life

What is the point of it all I wonder? All through the childhood and adolescent years of a tambram girl’s life her parents’ focus is entirely on her studies and ensuring that she aces every class test, mid-term and final exam (never mind that her friends would be having sleep overs and just chilling at each other’s places) She is pushed to get straight A’s and most probably secures a rank in the state (ergo she doesn't have much of a friend’s circle by the end of school) She is also groomed to excel in the fine arts. This can range from learning carnatic music to bharatnatyam to drawing and painting (usually this depends mostly on what the parents prefer and hardly on what she would like!!)  Sometimes if either of her parents are sports inclined she may be allowed to play a sport by the side (as long as it doesn’t upset her grades!!) As she nears the end of her school days she is advised to take up any one of the serious streams of education (namely science or commerce because arts or humanities is a major no-no!!) which would ideally culminate in her becoming an engineer or doctor or a chartered accountant (anything else is below their dignity; aiyo raama what would society say if in case she became a chef!!) Fast forward to ten years later and she probably has two to three degrees under her belt (after having burnt the midnight oil for days on end) and is a post graduate who’s managed to wow her way through all interviews and has landed herself a plum position in an MNC or an IT firm (in case she chose to become a doctor she’s probably still struggling :P) By now she’s 27 or 28 years old and her parents have started fretting about getting her married off (the biggest day of her parents lives for which the build up had begun from the day she was born) Once the process begins and the ball is set in motion, her entire world turns topsy-turvy. The very same parents who pushed her to stay glued to her books so much so that she is guarded when among members of the opposite sex will push her to have conversations with random strangers (oh the jadagams would have matched and both sets of parents have spoken and planned the entire show) and also decide post that one conversation whether she’s ready to spend her entire life with him (Phew!!! Talk about stress...3 pints of beer might help but then, hey! Do tambram girls drink? ;) wink wink) Here is a fun fact; in this entire story not many lay emphasis on the fact that there’s a girl involved who might have dreams and aspirations of her own. Maybe marriage to a complete stranger and childbearing might not be on her mind. Maybe she might want to get to know the man she’s planning on sharing her life with before actually doing it. She would like to let him know that she while she would love and respect his family (and be the ideal Indian bahu) she would also expect him to be supportive of her dreams of studying further, of developing herself on a spiritual level, of her travel plans to explore the world and of the fact that she will rush to be by the parents’ side if the need may ever arise. Okay so the parents’ urgency is understood especially as they age, their fear that ‘what if’ I fall sick, or something happens to me before i can fulfill my duty as a parent increases by leaps and bounds but they also need to display some faith in their own parenting skills. That they've raised a strong, independent, career oriented, financially sound girl is something they need to be reminded of time and again. This might culminate in arguments, counter arguments, tears and a whole lot of wasted time and energy. But then she wonders, is it worth fighting with her parents and spoiling relationships that she has cherished over a lifetime for an unknown person? And in today’s world where divorces (which were once taboo) have become increasingly popular and more and more married couples are walking away from their marriages isn't it worth waiting for the right man to love and cherish and treasure forever... 

Morning musings

A cool breeze blows and gently tugs at strands in my braid. The same cheeky strands which try to escape from the quick fish tail I've twisted them into early in the morning. While I stand on the long winding road waiting for my conveyance I can hear distant chants from the Krishna temple 'om namo narayana' ... I feel a deep sense of calm and detachment from all mundane problems. As I inhale  a deep breath and look around me I realise how beautiful nature is and how easy it is to get in tune with our inner selves. I wonder why don't we do it more often. All that we require is some silence. A strand of thought tries to creep in reminding me of the innumerable tasks lined up at work especially considering an almost impossible assignment that I've taken up. I firmly squash it away! This is my time, a few minutes of tranquility that I allow myself to indulge in every morning. This helps me remember that in the larger scheme of things there is so much more to life than what I can imagine. I am not big on meditation since controlling a monkey mind like mine is quite a task. But these couple of minutes each morning is my way of staying sane in my fast paced high stress world. Sometimes I wish this sense of calm could stay on throughout my day but as I see the vehicle (which picks me up daily) speeding towards me I know for a fact that its too much to expect. Sigh! Let's hope my day isn't too rough ;) 

Folk art

Rangoli ....

Growing up this word symbolized two major festivals for me. Diwali and Kaartigai. Two days in a year when my mother would request the caretaker of the building not to wash and clean the building's hallway thus protecting her precious art. Most neighbors of ours (being a mixed lot of Indians and of other ethnicity) would watch in awe as Amma would begin her art with quick strokes of deft fingers creating intricate patterns on the small square space outside our apartment. As a child this meant long hours of patient waiting and watching while squatting outside the doorway in pin drop silence as she wasn't to be disturbed. Finally would come the fun part-filling in the empty spaces with colored powders. A myriad of colors would be on display. Patiently Amma would fill a sieve or a tea strainer and cover each gap with a color which compliments the next gap. A very excited me would find immense pleasure in picking up packets of colored powder and handing it over to her as and when she demanded. It would go on for four-five hours with Appa peaking in between to see how far she's progressed. Eventually we would be done. All her effort up for display. And what a sight it was to behold! Stunning... The entire building would find a reason to pass by our apartment and kids would be cautioned to watch from a distance. 

Fast forward to ten years later....

Today while I live and work in a different city, away from people who complete my home, I reminisce those days when putting a Rangoli was an annual affair. Since Amma and Appa returned to the country and set up their home in India, Rangolis have become a daily affair thanks to a. living in India and b. having ample space to exhibit her talent. Every morning Amma meticulously wakes up, cleans the vaasapadi and then her hands begin their magical weaving of patterns which her mind conjures up without fail. 

As my late aunt rightly said, "The Divine speaks through your fingers" ....

I wait eagerly for holidays when i can escape from the humdrum of daily work and rush back home to stand leaning against the gate with a huge mug of filter kaapi in hand and quietly watch Amma work her magic...

A