What is the point of it all I wonder? All through the
childhood and adolescent years of a tambram girl’s life her parents’ focus is
entirely on her studies and ensuring that she aces every class test, mid-term
and final exam (never mind that her friends would be having sleep overs and
just chilling at each other’s places) She is pushed to get straight A’s and
most probably secures a rank in the state (ergo she doesn't have much of a
friend’s circle by the end of school) She is also groomed to excel in the fine
arts. This can range from learning carnatic music to bharatnatyam to drawing
and painting (usually this depends mostly on what the parents prefer and hardly
on what she would like!!) Sometimes if
either of her parents are sports inclined she may be allowed to play a sport by
the side (as long as it doesn’t upset her grades!!) As she nears the end of her
school days she is advised to take up any one of the serious streams of
education (namely science or commerce because arts or humanities is a major no-no!!)
which would ideally culminate in her becoming an engineer or doctor or a
chartered accountant (anything else is below their dignity; aiyo raama what would society say if in
case she became a chef!!) Fast forward to ten years later and she probably has
two to three degrees under her belt (after having burnt the midnight oil for
days on end) and is a post graduate who’s managed to wow her way through all
interviews and has landed herself a plum position in an MNC or an IT firm (in
case she chose to become a doctor she’s probably still struggling :P) By now
she’s 27 or 28 years old and her parents have started fretting about getting
her married off (the biggest day of her parents lives for which the build up
had begun from the day she was born) Once the process begins and the ball is
set in motion, her entire world turns topsy-turvy. The very same parents who
pushed her to stay glued to her books so much so that she is guarded when among
members of the opposite sex will push her to have conversations with random
strangers (oh the jadagams would have
matched and both sets of parents have spoken and planned the entire show) and
also decide post that one conversation whether she’s ready to spend her entire
life with him (Phew!!! Talk about stress...3 pints of beer might help but then,
hey! Do tambram girls drink? ;) wink wink) Here is a fun fact; in this entire
story not many lay emphasis on the fact that there’s a girl involved who might
have dreams and aspirations of her own. Maybe marriage to a complete stranger
and childbearing might not be on her mind. Maybe she might want to get to know
the man she’s planning on sharing her life with before actually doing it. She
would like to let him know that she while she would love and respect his family
(and be the ideal Indian bahu) she
would also expect him to be supportive of her dreams of studying further, of
developing herself on a spiritual level, of her travel plans to explore the
world and of the fact that she will rush to be by the parents’ side if the need
may ever arise. Okay so the parents’ urgency is understood especially as they
age, their fear that ‘what if’ I fall sick, or something happens to me before i
can fulfill my duty as a parent increases by leaps and bounds but they also need
to display some faith in their own parenting skills. That they've raised a
strong, independent, career oriented, financially sound girl is something they
need to be reminded of time and again. This might culminate in arguments,
counter arguments, tears and a whole lot of wasted time and energy. But then
she wonders, is it worth fighting with her parents and spoiling relationships
that she has cherished over a lifetime for an unknown person? And in today’s
world where divorces (which were once taboo) have become increasingly popular
and more and more married couples are walking away from their marriages isn't it
worth waiting for the right man to love and cherish and treasure forever...
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